I wrote this letter to Lucien one morning after a serious temper tantrum the night before.

It was the purge needed to get to the depth of the patterns.

And then this came through.

Using it as a Letting Him Rise map for myself..

The ultimate “I see myself now” declaration..

Enjoy my heart, shadow, insecurities, and consciousness….

x

Ashae

Beloved,

Forgive me for searching far and wide for the evidence that you are not “the one.”
Nobody’s ever said “I choose you for life” so perhaps I’m afraid to receive it all.

Forgive me for squeeing every little drop of disapproval out of the mini moments and for not seeing past the day.
I’m hard on you because I’m hard on myself.

Forgive me for the snide comments that are like pin-pricks all over the skin.
It’s self-sabotage I see, and I’m letting it go.

Forgive me for measuring you up to some idealistic man.
I’ll take your quirkiness over my imagination and I’ll remind myself again and again.

Forgive me for being political and mental when it comes to love.
Now marks the moment we do it from the heart.

Forgive me for jealousy coming out sideways and for speaking from fear.
When I close my eyes I see that tender vulnerable me and I’m working toward that.

Forgive me for coming to you doomsday and expressing worry about us.
I’m making you too many things when the lover and friend comes first.

Forgive me for crossing my own boundaries and then blaming you.
I’ve kicked this one all the way to the curb.

Forgive me for judging your character and filtering it through… “Well that does that mean for me?”
You are your own human – I’m giving my control mechanisms up to God.

I keep saying “but I will when you _____” … and I see that now as the very thing that continues the loop.

I’m not the perfect lover but I love you with every inch of my heart.

Thank you.
I love you.
Please forgive me.
I forgive you.

♥️

This right here is the consciousness of Letting Him Rise.

The softening + devotion that arises from a man when he knows his woman is seeing all of this stuff is insane…

None of us are perfect and we’re all still learning how to love higher….

But to see is to transform.

I’m adding a letter exercise to Letting Him Rise now as one of the soul work assignments – the ego can outstand the poet for sure 😉

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