I said… “Not yet” when he was taking my panties off..
And almost instantly, I felt my own lack of surrender seep into the sheets like smoke… and the resulting effect of it on his ability to trust himself and ravish me fully.
His movements got hesitant…
My turn on disappeared…
And I had to stop us like… “Fuck, I totally just messed up our flow."
He also found ownership of how his past sexual experiences seeped into that moment… making him a tad timid…
Both patterns filling our primal, natural, love-field with murky waves making it hard to see.
Here's the important detail:
It was the middle of the work day.
I had just been on the computer, building the empire, and working toward the goals I have set out for the next month.
We're both well aware that unraveling into feminine receptivity and surrender after loads of planning, creating, and doing… can just take my body longer.
We ended the moment with hugs of understanding + golden nuggets of wisdom to apply for next time instead of pushing through to make something happen that wasn't quite true.
And no, not every time you go to deepen in love and sex with your partner will result in mindless surrender.
We have to be willing to not meet each other in order to find each other again.
When the storm comes, and everything in you wants to shut down call it quits, or bark in aggression…
In an instant, all of that energy will wipe away and be replaced with the most potent understanding of Self, other, life, and love.
That's how the mystery works for us.
Contraction, into expansion.
Over and over and over again.
Surely, divine union and aligned purpose is the path for the brave.
That evening, we started a conversation about marriage, and I revealed to him my fears.
I witness, as my open vulnerable heart brings him closer.
He looks into my eyes and tucks my hair behind my ear… “I love when you let me into your heart.”
Our hearts are feeling each other in such a tender moment..
And it just comes out of me…⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
“I want you to make love to me from this place.” 👄
We took 9:40 pm on a “school night” into question (we love going to sleep early and waking early for optimal body and business practice)… but then he decided for us… by picking me up and carrying me to the bed.
He sits me on the bed in front of him.
We breathe together, feeling the tension of intimacy start to ripple it's way through our bodies.
Intuitively, I feel like getting on him and wrapping my legs around… yab yum style, which is a tantric position to connect breathing, feeling, and energy.
As our breath syncs and sensation rises, my body starts to release itself from being upright.
I collapse over his shoulders, I rock from side to side, I gasp for air; I felt like a feather blowing through the wind, a grounded rock to land on and find comfort in.
Everything that happened from there is a blur. 🌪
But what I know is this:
It was the most connected, in-sync, holy shit pleasure and love I've felt with him in some time.
One of those… “Are we on drugs right now?!” moments because it's cosmic, powerful, rhythmic, and liberated in all the ways.
YUM. YES PLEASE.
I couldn't not reflect on the duality of such a day… and follow the urge to share it with you.
Here's the ticket regarding sex, passion, polarity, and WORK:
For the feminine partner to surrender deeply, she must unravel the tension of the mind's linear, forward-momentum energetics.
If you are a woman who's living your purpose, or busy creating a potent life of success…
There will be a learning process flowing from that and into your sexual self.
But, if you start to understand your own energy and where you are, the ability to relate, drop in, and create magic with your partner or partner-to-be goes into the beyond…
And I want that for you.
Ability to ride the waves of polarity in your own body, so you can expand in love with your partner of choice.
Willingness to accept the storm and the calm before it… so you can experience the magnificent growth of partnership.
Pleasure that ripples through your body, reminding you who you really are and guiding the fullness of your life.
And a commitment to success that supports your joy.
That’s the magic, babe.
I know what a big deal it is to follow someone online. (After so many sprints of deleting everyone!) The energy is coming through to you every day unannounced, programming your consciousness. My devotion? To bring it raw, real, alive, and full. Never from obligation.